I escaped a burning house that no one else could see was on fire. No one could see hell on the lush half-acre lawn in a suburban town full of doctors, lawyers, and Frank Lloyd Wright houses.

My dad would say the title of this article isn’t true. My mom would have joined in on his defense. 

It’s amazing how much free knowledge there is on everything nowadays, and there’s some great fitness videos and channels out there that are my go-tos.

It's one of my dreams to get financing and open up a store to share the joy of my custom peanut butter chocolate candies called Beckeyes. My mom would make these candies every year before she was affected by early onset Alzheimer's and in 2020 I started adding my own creative spin on them.

I needed her to know I love her with my whole heart. I needed to step into mentorship because we’ll never know the impact we can make if we don’t try.

My Italian red leather suitcase is right over there

You’re right over there.

And it’s so beautiful —it could be so beautiful.

Easy for me to say, right? NO!

“What did you say? I can’t hear you!” Punkassbitch does it again, slowly, drawn out, staccato. “Did. You. Have. SEX. This. Weekend?” Her face is so red. She’s frozen and can’t think and neither can I.

With my I CHOOSE INK project, I feel empowered to create a space and community for teens to freely express themselves outside of school, sports and competition, religion, and family. My dance classes give me the in-person community I need today and I’m excited to share my joy of dance with others.

While sitting on a fluffy cloud of jealousy, I began to contemplate everything I was feeling and thinking. But, instead of starting with the more obvious and internal question, “Why am I jealous of my friends’ relationships?” I chose to ponder the questions, “Why do I feel like their relationships are perfect? Why do I feel like this means their lives are perfect?” These questions led to much more interesting answers.

Even in my emotional state, I knew that what I was doing was shameful. It was something I would need to hide. Self-harm is less often a cry for help, and more often a strategic internal war we wage against ourselves. And we always lose.

After I wrote that last article, it hit me how bad my jealousy issues actually were. I had so many jealous thoughts that felt out of my control. I was worried I would always have a ton of jealous thoughts and that I couldn’t do anything to get rid of them. But that felt powerless.